The Dave Worley Blog 
Working in Retail… Week 2
Sunday, November 8th, 2009 at 10:09 pm - Dave
Another week has drifted past, and again I have been blessed at my place of work with a number of enlightenments about the world of the retail industry…
Wasps enjoy shopping pissing me off…
In one of the finest “what the fuck” moments of my life, I inexplicably encountered a wasp when rushing down the escalator whilst late on Wednesday. I felt a tickle from my shirt collar, I reached across with my left arm to fix this issue, and felt, as I brushed it away, the feel of legs, and then a horrible shooting pain in my middle finger. A few expletives were uttered in a less-than-discreet way (customers looked, that’s all I’ll say). Looking down, I saw a huge wasp crawling, stunned, on the escalator. I introduced the bastard to my big size 11 and then muttered further swears. Clearly, the wasp has been looking for a home and got itself stuck in the roof windows above the escalators in the store… But that doesn’t excuse its behaviour and it was dealt with accordingly! I was incredulous with anger through my injury (mainly to my pride that it hurt so much; I’m not 6…), and the fact that my mother not recycling is directly (ish) responsible for a fucking wasp being ALIVE IN NOVEMBER!
Department Stores have their ways…
There was this silly little chav-thing in store recently, and he was traipsing around store in a pair of stupid trainers, as you’d expect… So how amazing is it to find that, unlike most other shoes, these trainers create an incessant squeaking sound as he navigates. The concept is brilliant. Not only do you know when one is approaching, but you know where he is at a specific time, and when he’s stopped to sly a pack of Calvin Klein undies (SEVENTEEN OF MY ENGLISH POUNDS PER PACK!) into his coat pocket.
Fitting Room lols
I wasn’t that alien to this concept to be honest, but it is highly amusing… When a gentleman is shopping with his wife, he will enter the fitting room, and then – much to my confusion as I’m expecting him to go – will exit the fitting room wearing the t-shirt/jumper/jeans he and his wife have carefully selected. So there a middle age man will stand, looking meekly at his wife, with a ton of tags and other shop paraphernalia hanging off him going “what do you think?”
“You look like a knob” is still my favourite response. I had to “busy myself” with sorting out the fitting room rail so I could secretly howl to myself.
A name badge is nine tenths of the law
There is absolutely no reason why that statement was included, but I like it, and its staying. Deal. So anyway, I received my name badge on Saturday. I’m now Mr D. Menswear, Sales Advisor. Or David.
It has coincided, predictably, with huge numbers of people now approaching me. One man today asked for a dark blue pair of 36 inch jeans with a short leg. But they can’t be stonewashed. Or even vaguely patterned.
… Predictably, they couldn’t be found. He then went on to bitch about how the store was smaller than most others he had been in… I feel customer service might be talked about at length in the not-too-distant future.
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Being the plaything of a High Street giant – week one.
Sunday, November 1st, 2009 at 4:17 pm - Dave
If you know me personally, you’ll know who it is I speak of, but I will refrain from mentioning the large High Street company that I have recently started a seasonal job for, as I quite enjoy it, and I don’t really want to lose it.
However, my first foray into the retail service industry has already produced a few observations of note:
1. Regardless of how old I am, I still laugh when I see a bra, the word bra, a box of bras, or any related female undergarment paraphernalia.
I’m sorry, I thought I’d grown out of this … oh, about five years ago. But I was sorting through some delivery boxes on Wednesday when I came across an old label on a box that just read “bras”. I had a little giggle to myself, and opened the box. Alright, it contained jeans, with the face of a five-time Olympic gold medallist (should give you some ideas of who I’m working for, cryptically…), but still. All I can say is, thank god I work in menswear, away from the big crowds, because if I had to walk past, or worse stock, the lingerie section, I might give myself an aneurysm.
2. I am not going to lose any weight whilst working.
… Because when I’m stocking the tables near the lower entrance, all I can smell is the Maccys NEXT DOOR. THANK YOU, LUCKY STARS, FOR PUTTING A MACCYS NEXT TO MY PLACE OF WORK. REALLY, THANK YOU.
3. It’s true.
Working in retail really does turn you into a woman. Going round the store is now like constantly shopping. I want that and that and that and that and that and…
4. I’m still fucking terrified of spiders, even when I’m being “formal”.
There was a spider in fitting room 3 yesterday. I refused to go anywhere near it, and scarpered when it ran down the wall at me. Like genuinely had to suppress a girly scream, and run. To the other side of the shop.
5. Shoes are the way forward.
In the first hour yesterday I sold £400 of shoes. Enjoyable times.
I have to say I’ve never been thanked by my supervisor for everything I do. I really enjoy the ethos of the department and the “family” feel I get out of it all, which is a bit soft, but I wouldn’t enjoy it if I didn’t feel I couldn’t have a laugh with the old colleagues. It’s all very promising for the next few weeks!
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Poker: My Greatest Moment?
Tuesday, October 6th, 2009 at 2:23 pm - Dave
Right so I was playing at Source League last night. There was this terrifying Scandinavian/German guy called Mathias who really put the fear of God into me – he just looked hard as nails.
Anyway, as I’m directing the tournament, I obviously – sod’s law dictates this – end up on his right. First hand is a misdeal and I get AJ. The flop was dealt just to piss me off and it comes like 4-9-J and I have a little bit of a tilt. This guy goes “you think that was strong?” and I was like “yeah in this case”. And nothing more was said.
Now, I’m not a brilliant poker player – I get the game, and I can play it well, but for me the concept of pot odds, equity/value and even the basic maths are pretty much foreign. What I can do well, is judge a character, and this guy was the typical Scandinavian – ice cool. He was sharp as a pin and I was trying to avoid him.
So much for that, I get dealt 88 and I’m compelled to raise the 300/600 blinds to 2000. Mr Scandinavia calls, as does the small blind; the big blind folds. The flop comes 8 high and I’m checking so hard I almost knock my chips everywhere. Icecool also checks, as does the small blind. The turn is the 8 of hearts. Quads. Thanks. Another tap of the table, and the Scandinavian bets 5k. Small blind gets out of the way. I call, not instantly, but quick enough to give him the idea I’m there for a reason.
River is obviously a brick. Here’s the kicker – I CHECK. Everyone since has been like “thanks for checking quads on the river”, but here’s where I think my approach to the game comes through: I KNOW he’s going to bet.
I have no reason. He has no reason to bet, but I know he is – its more than a hunch, I would bet with anyone before the river that he is going to bet. I have just called 5k and have only 8k behind, this guy appears to like the situation, or he wouldn’t have bet the 5k (which for me is about right for the size of the pot, and isn’t suggesting any sort of deviance – he might have spiked two pair after a floaty call pre-flop or something). This guy looks at my stack, and looks down at his own, and announces that he’s “all i-CALL”. I flip my quads and the table recoils. This guy smiles and says “ah”. I walk away for a hand to tell the world about it. When I return he shakes my hand and says “excellent slow playing of the 8s” and fixes me with a piercing stare.
I might just have beaten the bastard, but I’m still fucking terrified of him.
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Playing Poker on Full Tilt… Creating Discussion…
Thursday, September 24th, 2009 at 9:50 am - Dave
By now you’ll be aware that I have an interest in poker and after a fairly unrewarding time on PokerStars I was happy to read about the first-time deposit minimum being lowered to $10 on Full Tilt and happily donated $15 to Messrs Ferguson, Hansen et al. The 100% deposit bonus probably warranted a higher deposit but it was all I could muster together. Either way, I’ve been taking it easy so far, with only an 8th placed cash ($6.75) in a 90-man knockout tournament, and a couple of failed SnGs. This morning, however, I took down my first 6-seat SnG and I’m very happy with my performance.
I don’t have the knowledge or the know how to talk about my performances in a theoretical sense, but I do know that I’ve got enough chatter to take you through my thought processes so I’d like to put down some of my plays here from my various hands this morning. I was seemingly blessed by the dealer on FT as I was dealt premium hand after premium hand.
The reasoning behind putting these down is because I’d like advice from better players that I share company with.
Here’s the first – I am in a 27-manner as we speak and very early on I got dealt Kings at 20/40. I’m mindful that getting involved early on gets you in trouble and I was ready to just make a standard raise and see what became of the flop. However the guy four off the button raised for me. I didn’t feel it was right to call, so I made it 400, hoping this would put him in a quandrary to either fold or re-raise. Predictably at these very low stakes, the theory didn’t really work in practice, and the guy flat calls.
Just to piss me off, the flop comes 4A5 rainbow and this guy instantly bets another 400.
I thought for ages and eventually decided that at this early stage I wasn’t willing to put the money in so early on to be screwed over by A3, and mucked the Kings.
Right decision?
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The Story So Far
Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009 at 1:05 pm - Dave
Albion have started predictably well in the Championship and I think now the transfer window has closed it’s time to look back with some confidence about the first five games of the league season.
An opening draw with Newcastle was fully expected but it was Tim Kruk that really prevented Albion taking all three points in an entertaining game at The Hawthorns. A comfortable win at Gigg Lane followed in the Carling Cup as Graham Dorrans snatched a goal in a 2-0 win away at Bury.
A scare came at the City Ground as Nottingham Forest pushed Albion all the way – and it was only a Chris Cohen own goal and former Albion striker Rob Earnshaw’s missed penalty that ensured the Baggies took all three points back across the Midlands.
Another narrow victory came at London Road on a warm Tuesday night, but it should have been much easier – Albion raced into a 3-0 lead at newly promoted Peterborough but highly-rated Craig Mackail-Smith pulled one back just before half time and Aaron McLean made it a nervy final half an hour. Albion held on, but at the loss of Graham Dorrans late on who was dismissed for a second bookable offence in the sixth minute of injury time.
Next to the game I attended at The Hawthorns as Albion took on Ipswich, for a long time a bogey team for the Baggies. 5-0 was the result the last time I saw the Tractor Boys in West Bromwich in 2006, and it seemed like it could have been that and many more as we swiped aside Roy Keane’s poor outfit with some ease and style. Youssouf Mulumbu snatched his first goal for the club with a fine placed shot past Richard Wright’s despairing dive and then Robert Koren capped a stunning Albion move by rounding the veteran goalkeeper and slotting home a simple finish. Koren’s loyal celebration with a pointed kiss of the Albion badge sent the Smethwick End into a frenzy.
There were chances both before and after the double strike and Albion should have finished the game at least 6 or 7 goals to the good, but for the excellent performance of Richard Wright who not only made several key saves but also saved a poor Luke Moore penalty after loan signing Shaun Cummings was brought down at the byline.
This was my only chance to see the Baggies this summer for one reason and another and it was refreshing to see what appears to be a defence that is being strengthened quickly. Sadly, Joe Mattock looks a little rough around the edges but is sure to improve as he grows into the side. The signing of Gonzalo Jara should pleasingly displace the helpless Shelton Martis and the combination of the Chilean international and Jonas Olsson looks particularly exciting in creating a strong defensive unit. The loss of Jonathan Greening is disappointing but the loyalty of Chris Brunt, Robert Koren and James Morrison is brilliant for Albion.
Craig Beattie finished his time at the club on a high on the eve of his move to Swansea with a brace against Rotherham in a thrilling Carling Cup tie that went into extra time. After squandering a lead twice, Albion went behind early in extra innings and they appeared to be heading for a shock exit from the competition before Beattie equalised and Simon Cox broke the Millermen’s hearts late on. The nervy but exciting win booked a trip to The Emirates to face an Arsenal side that will undoubtedly be filled with the club’s second string and Di Matteo’s men will fancy their chances even though they will be big underdogs going in to the game.
Back to the league and Albion returned from Brammall Lane with a point which, in the circumstances was a disappointing return. Roman Bednar’s welcome return to the squad after his drugs ban yielded two goals but Albion’s defence, which in contrast to the Ipswich game showed some signs of weakness against a stronger side, allowed two goals including a late, late penalty.
Bednar’s return will be welcomed by Albion who would be entitled to be a little frustrated with the low returns of Luke Moore and Simon Cox (3 goals between them in 6 games) so far. On the other hand, the midfield looks exciting and productive with Dorrans (2), Mulumbu, Brunt and Koren all getting on the scoresheet this season.
So unbeaten in five with three wins – I would certainly have taken that in August as I was unsure what to expect from a side that would obviously be low on morale following relegation. Cutting of the players that don’t want to be at the club – most notably Paul Robinson – means that the club has refocused on an instant return to the Premiership and it seems that the aim is being accomplished right now. One feels that the draw at home to Newcastle was unlucky but for the performance of Kruk and the draw with Sheffield United was down to a couple of silly goals – it’s not perfect so far, but it could easily be five wins out of five. With an exciting trip to The Emirates and a decent league schedule to look forward to, it would seem silly to suggest that Albion would be anywhere but flying high in the top 3 of the Championship at the end of September.
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